As individuals we may be unique, but some experiences and needs are common to all of our lives. Having healthy relationships with boundaries is one common need. Adolescent children especially need healthy friendships. It is important to this age group to have someone who shares the same likes and dislikes in music or clothing, or someone who can offer mutual support in navigating this difficult growth stage. Parental guidance at this time is key to helping form healthy friendships with good boundaries.
Here are some ways you can help your child build healthy relationships:
Build respect for other people’s feelings and property. Compliment your child’s knowledge and abilities, pay attention and listen to her or him, and ask permission to use things that belong to them. Your child will display the same behaviors to you and to others outside the home. Respect is a two-way street that builds trust, encouraging good relationships.
Provide a safe and loving home environment. Your child should feel comfortable bringing friends home, and the friends should feel welcome in your home. This gives you an ideal opportunity to observe your child’s friends and spot troublesome relationships.
Teach responsibility. Give appropriate amounts of independence and freedom. Do not instantly demand that your child end a relationship with which you are uncomfortable. Instead, choose a time to calmly express your concerns and gently remind your child about the boundaries and standards you have set for your family. Most children will respect these boundaries and eventually make them part of their lives. A child is more likely to give up an inappropriate friendship because it could cause embarrassment than because he or she feels compelled to.
Resolve conflict. Teach your child to respect other points of view. No relationship is without disagreements or discord. Sometimes we have to lose the fight to win the relationship.
Dr. Steven Chen can help with appropriate relationship building and management. He has offices in Salt Lake and Draper.