Pay Now Or Pay Later

Dear Dr. Chen,

When working with you, I really started to understand the “pay now” or “pay later” concept.  I have been struggling with pornography and alcohol addiction since my teenage years.

The addictions have created chaos.  I have lied and cheated to hide relationship problems.  I tried to numb my feelings of inadequacy.  I thought I was having fun and wondered what everyone else was upset about.  But eventually all the acting out just brought me pain.

You helped me understand no matter how painful, it is better to deal with problems instead of denying them or pushing them away.  “Pay now” means dealing with things.  “Pay later” means putting things off.  The problem is – things generally get worse and worse when you deny or put them off.  A person will probably end up paying much more later.

For me, I lost jobs due to acting out and being irresponsible.  I lost relationships due to lying.  I spent a lot of money partying.  Even though I spent a lot of money acting out, I still thought that treatment was too expensive.  You helped me understand that as my addiction progressed, I could lose much more than money.  I could lose my life!

When I came in for treatment, I was on the verge of getting a divorce.  I was also getting close to losing my professional license and career.  Between the divorce and career loss, my financial situation would have been devastating.

My relationships were strained.  My wife was unhappy.  My children were suffering.  My extended family was concerned.  My life was a mess.

When I was in the middle of addiction, I kept denying things and putting off making healthy changes.

I thought things really weren’t that bad and everyone else is the problem.  It wasn’t until I broke through denial that I finally understood how bad things were.

Dr. Chen, thank you for your clear thinking, insightful recommendations, teaching, and support.  I know that working with you speeded up my recovery.  I would much rather “pay now” and understand and deal with my demons rather than wait and “pay later” probably losing so much more.

Sincerely,

Happy to “Pay Now” – Robert

 

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