In an Open Letter on Porn, Drs. John and Julie Gottman consider pornography’s impact on relationships. The Gottman’s indicate that in the past some professionals recommended merely accepting porn use as natural. However, current research suggests that pornography can hurt a couple’s relationship. They believe this may be true do to pornography being a “supernormal stimulus”. Ethologist Nikko Tinbergen, describes supernormal stimulus as stimulus that evokes a much larger response than one that has evolutionary significance. One effect of supernormal stimulus is that interest wanes in normal stimuli.
These researchers believe that pornography may be a “supernormal stimulus”. When a person uses pornography, ordinary levels of stimulus are no longer interesting. More pornography or supernormal stimulus is needed to achieve a response. This may be why normal sex becomes much less interesting for porn users. The data suggests that pornography use by one partner leads to a couple having far less sex and ultimately reducing the relationship satisfaction.
The researchers also mention other factors that can negatively impact the relationship. First, intimacy between two people is a source of connection and communication. However, when a person becomes accustomed to masturbating to porn, they actually turn away from intimate interaction. Next, the person watching pornography is in total control of the sexual experience. This is different than the sexual experience of sharing control with a partner. The concern is that the pornography user may form unrealistic expectations that sex will be under only one person’s control. Another problem is that the pornography depicts people as immediately ready for sex. This could create an unrealistic expectation that a partner will always be immediately ready for intercourse. Finally, some porn users rationalize that pornography is okay if it doesn’t involve partnered sexual acts and only involves masturbation. While the person may experience orgasm, the goal of relationship connection is confused and ultimately lost.
The Gottman’s indicate that there are many other problems with pornography. For example, porn sites exhibit violence toward women. Porn use can become addicting. It can also lead to a decrease in relationship trust and a higher likelihood of affairs outside the relationship.
The letter suggests that for many reasons, pornography poses a serious threat to couple intimacy and relationship harmony. The Gottman’s believe that porn is a very important social issue impacting relationships.
For the original article or additional information please see Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s Open Letter on Porn
