When I first came in to get help for my addiction, I was scared. I was afraid of revealing the half of me that was hidden all of these years. Without the addiction, I wouldn’t know who I was anymore. I have my wife to thank for encouraging me to get help. I broke her heart which made me feel like I had no where else to turn. I needed professional help.
At the start of treatment, trying to learn everything was so foreign, I almost didn’t want to understand. But I knew that if a stayed and listened that some of the information would eventually get through and make sense.
I have been in treatment for three months. I have begun to see the problems with my addiction and how it has affected my relationship. I now understand that the addiction made me an insanely obsessed person. I’m not saying that I am better, in fact, far from it. But now I can identify when something is wrong and what I need to do to resist triggers and feel better. It is still awkward as hell bringing up some of the urges and thoughts I have in my head. What I know now, is that despite recovery feeling a bit foreign, that it helps. It take’s the burden off me. The doctor’s visits, the SA meetings and working the 12 steps all help. The doctor helps me implement strategies for prevention. The SA groups help me know that I am not alone in this struggle and that others have been through similar experiences.