We don’t get depressed in a second.
We get depressed in a series of well-defined steps.
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You can stop depression in its tracks
if you deal with each step along the way.
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FINDING YOUR OWN ‘DEPRESSION CYCLE’

I’ll be giving you three examples of typical depression cycles.
None of these will be exactly like your own cycle,
but by reading each of them closely
you will learn a lot about the steps you go through on your way to depression.
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Read all the way down the left column first.
Then read each row, left to right.
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Play with the second column as if it were a puzzle.
Come up with your own ideas about how each step could be changed.
Practicing this kind of thinking can help a lot the next time you start to feel depressed.
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SUBCONSCIOUSLY GETTING DEPRESSED TO MANIPULATE

People who subconsciously create depression to manipulate others have very poor relationships with everyone they target. They can become chronically depressed if they do it as a regular way of getting along in life.
[table width =”100%” style =”table-bordered” responsive =”false”] [table_head] [th_column]THE STEPS:[/th_column] [th_column]THE FIXES:[/th_column] [/table_head] [table_body] [table_row] [row_column]1) “I feel entitled to what I want from you.” [/row_column] [row_column]“I know I’m not entitled to anything that doesn’t involve a signed contract, or at least a verbal commitment. Even then, I sometimes have to tolerate not getting what I want.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]2) “I’m angry but I won’t admit it.”[/row_column] [row_column]“I know I’m angry.”
“I can at least admit it to myself.”
“I can find good ways to tell you I’m angry.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]3) “I’ll blame you and make you feel guilty.”[/row_column] [row_column]“I’ll ask directly for what I want.”
“If I don’t get it the first time, I’ll ask again.”
“If I still don’t get it, I’ll talk with you to try to figure out some clever way we can both get what we want.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]4) “I’ll suffer at you until you give me what I want.”[/row_column] [row_column]“Doing without what I want would be easier than all this suffering.”
“There are many other things I want that I can go for.”
[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]5) “If I don’t get what I want, I’ll sulk quietly and make you watch me.”[/row_column] [row_column]“Pouting and sulking only hurts me.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]6) “The sulking seems real and necessary to me now.”[/row_column] [row_column]“Sulking is optional. Why would I do that to me?”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]7) “I’m depressed.”[/row_column] [row_column]Go back to step #1.
[/row_column] [/table_row] [/table_body] [/table]

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GETTING DEPRESSED FROM INTENSE ANGER

People who get depressed after suffering an incident of major physical or psychological pain can get past their depression if they get away from all danger and get good support from friends and family. They can call a therapist at any stage, but they definitely should call if they are still depressed after a few months.

[table width =”100%” style =”table-bordered” responsive =”false”] [table_head] [th_column]THE STEPS:[/th_column] [th_column]THE FIXES:[/th_column] [/table_head] [table_body] [table_row] [row_column]1) “You did a terrible thing to me!”[/row_column] [row_column]“I’ve been hurt! How can I soothe myself?”
“Who do I know who can soothe me right now?”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]2) “I’m hurting, bad.”[/row_column] [row_column]“I need time to just let myself feel this through, alone or with someone who cares about me.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]3) “I’ll make you suffer and get even.”[/row_column] [row_column]“There’s no such thing as getting even.”
“If I make you hurt, I’ll still be hurt.”
[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]4) “I made you feel bad, and I felt better for a few minutes, but I still feel bad afterwards.”[/row_column] [row_column]“That short time I felt good about getting revenge wasn’t worth it.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]5) “I can’t win with you. I can only lose.”[/row_column] [row_column]“Winning and losing isn’t what it’s about. And I do get some things I want from you even though I don’t get everything.”
“I don’t have to stay with you if I don’t want to.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]6) “I’m depressed.”[/row_column] [row_column]Go back to step #1.[/row_column] [/table_row] [/table_body] [/table]

GETTING DEPRESSED FROM OVERLAPPING ANGER

People who get depressed from overlapping anger need a therapist to help them make major changes in their life.

[table width =”100%” style =”table-bordered” responsive =”false”] [table_head] [th_column]THE STEPS:[/th_column] [th_column]THE FIXES:[/th_column] [/table_head] [table_body] [table_row] [row_column]1) “I’m tired of being angry all the time. But so many things keep going wrong. I get mistreated all the time.”[/row_column] [row_column]“Is it really all the time?”
“Do I notice the things that go right?”
“Some people treat me well. How often am I with them?”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]2) “It’s not worth fighting about anymore. I don’t win often enough. It’s not worth it.”[/row_column] [row_column]“I am always worth my own time and energy!”
“It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about doing my best to get what I want.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]3) “I’ll just give up and go through each day feeling sad about how my life is going.”[/row_column] [row_column]“I know I have a serious problem and I’m going to get professional help right now.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]4) “Nobody can help me.”[/row_column] [row_column] “That’s what therapists do! They help! If I don’t like the first one I see, I’ll find someone who does help me!”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]5) “I’ve been depressed for so long it seems normal to me now.”[/row_column] [row_column]“My therapist knows it’s not the way life has to go. I’ll trust that until I get past these lousy feelings.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]6) “Sometimes I think of suicide, or murder, or just flipping out to make people take care of me!”[/row_column] [row_column]“It’s understandable that you’d have such thoughts, but you have to be positive you’ll never do these things before you can get better. Let your therapist help you until you are sure you’ll never do these things.”[/row_column] [/table_row] [table_row] [row_column]7) “I’ll just stay depressed.”[/row_column] [row_column]No you won’t! (No feeling lasts forever. It just seems like it when we feel really bad.) Go back to step #1.[/row_column] [/table_row] [/table_body] [/table]

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